Today’s take FIVE... exactly this.
I find it amazing how hard the mind works trying to create a version of ourselves we feel people will love more than the person we are.
I am guilty! I’ve spent my life trying to be the person, the daughter, the granddaughter, the business owner, the friend, sister, the partner and an endless list of roles that other people wanted me to be.
Each day I chose to edit the version of me...Is a day I spent not letting people love the real me in fear the real me wasn’t loveable enough. Each day I hid myself a little bit more.
I got so good at hiding, that when life came knocking with a big ask... times FIVE. I truly had to start from the beginning. Get to know myself and learn to like me. The unedited version.
I began to unravel the idea that I am not enough. Just as I am, faults and strengths all wrapped up in what makes me who I am.
I had to sit with the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life until I finally forgave the version of me that tried to hard to be loved. Trauma does horrific things, it takes all prisoner for as long a sentence as we choose to stay.
Day one with these guys... I knew one thing. I better get to liking myself, the real me as now I have five sets of eyes watching my every move and they better be watching a big sister who makes sure they know something I took a long time to accept and learn.
I fought me, beat myself up , doubted my smarts, doubted alll the things that actually make me : ME
Ten years later, a battle scene that will fill the pages of books. I finally stepped up to the microphone and introduced myself to the world. The real me.
Love the person you are, when you do... watch the whole world sit up and take notice. Watch every second of the day shift in big ways and ones so small you’d miss if you don’t pay attention.
Love you. Today. Don’t waste another second on a better version. You’re literally the best and only one!
-Marina
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